And I love where you mention learning the difference between the diplomat and the doormat… because we can still be assertive AND be perfectly polite at the same time. I think of it as an art, personally. I saw a quote somewhere a long time ago that went something like, “Tact is telling someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.” - OH haha. I just looked it up and that’s a Winston Churchill quote. Well then.
I feel I can absolutely be 100% polite AND nice yet not take any shit and assertively advocate for myself. They are not mutually exclusive in my book.
I completely agree. I think it's necessary to get things done (an art, like you said). But I definitely needed to not be afraid to advocate for myself before I could even discern the difference.
That quote is amazeballs, by the way. What a perfect ambition . . . to say "fuck you" with grace 🤣
I freaking love this and now know exactly what you meant when you said, “something’s in the air!” This is all so relatable and revolutionary.
I once had a white male older doctor say to me, “Don’t be silly,” when I questioned his recommendation that I use a steroid for treatment and instead wanted something holistic. At the time, this was about six or seven years ago, I didn’t say anything to his face, but I yelled at him silently and then ignored his treatment plan, knowing that he was full of shit and I knew what was better for my body! But oh, that people please training, that good girl training, was still hard to overcome in that moment. It was more familiar to not say anything than to say what I really wanted to say, which was, “wow. you really just said that. That’s really condescending.”
So yay to the dragon emerging and the willingness to say the things that need to be said!!
And here’s a message that I wish all women could hear and know to be true, “You aren’t in danger. You are the danger!” 🐉
"You aren’t in danger . . . you are the danger" gave me FULL BODY CHILLS.
And ugh to that doctor! I can't imagine saying "don't be silly" to any client in any situation under any circumstances EVER. How will we ever teach them it's unacceptable and inappropriate unless we speak up next time, right?
I've read your articles several times! It does resonate with this time of my life, like a mirror. From the opening argument (going on about the vet) to the closing (you're unleashed), everything sounds dead right.
BTW, rude vets are a common occurrence in my life! They are so many, that I'll bother to mention the top one: my first love - a jerk who I left early on in our relationship - is a vet, and a terrible one. LOL
So much so, that he had to sell out his business. Karma is a bitch, isn't?
The finesse in which you weave your text is so precise, that I can't help but to point that the type of suppressed anger that you've been through is building up for ages. And the sharpness of your people reading skills is only surpassed by the capability of detecting the microaggressions that only a person of certain mental clarity can do.
Thank you for the great article! I wish the beast that you've unleashed is as powerful as your gut punching style of writing.
Thank you, Claudia, for these kind words! I'm sorry that you've dealt with these indignities yourself (especially in the romance department), but yes, I relish the moments when karma plays out in a glorious retribution like that. May we all draw strength from the others who are on this journey with us, and start unapologetically speaking up and taking up space! Cheers to all of it!
Ugh. The vet's type is all too common, unfortunately. Also, "If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all" was a favorite of my mom's. 🤨 Loved this post!
Thank you! I guess I should consider myself lucky that I've had the experience of such a wonderful vet (who, devastatingly, moved) so now I know what's possible and what I deserve instead of this clown. It just means I'll have to do a little legwork to find that person.
My mom used to say that all the time too. Sigh . . . they mean well.
I recently left a bad Google review on a local cab company after the driver was insanely rude to me. The fact I left that (justified) review still makes me cringe.
I love this diplomatic warrior Queen you have described. I am taking notes!
I love that you're taking notes! And I want nothing more for you than to be able to think of that review and NOT cringe, to simply decide it needed to be said, for your own peace of mind AND for the good of humanity. We can tell ourselves all of that logically, but I want to create a community of people who fully embody the fact that expressing our needs is revolutionary in a world where we were taught to shrink. So glad you're here to fight the good fight!
I once had a massage that left me with handprint bruises, but I didn't speak up during because I didn't want to hurt the masseuse's feelings. Ugh. But I also balanced that side of me with my ready-to-rage persona. My evolution has been to integrate the two sides into a healthy middle ground. (I just wrote about being a recovered rage-a-holic for an upcoming piece.) Also, witches and dragons - what's not to love?
Thank you, Leslie. I'm so intrigued by the idea of being at both ends of the spectrum and learning to find the happy medium. I wonder what triggers one response over the other. Is one an overcorrection in an attempt to rein the other one in?
Rage only reared its ugly head if I felt attacked or got defensive. (I also grew up with a rage-y dad.) Otherwise I erred on the side of female politeness.
Okay, I can see that. It's funny because I think it's me too, I just described it differently. The thing I wasn't willing to admit (my shadow, in other words) was the very real rage in me. So I was polite to keep that side stifled. Both of us are always seeking the middle ground, but you were aware of your tendencies and I wasn't. Haha and I think I'm soooooo self aware 🤣
Because you're my brother from another mother? I'm sure it's quite personal, but perhaps over lunch sometime, we could discuss where that tendency comes from with you. I'm curious about the male perspective.
🙌🙌 so good!
And I love where you mention learning the difference between the diplomat and the doormat… because we can still be assertive AND be perfectly polite at the same time. I think of it as an art, personally. I saw a quote somewhere a long time ago that went something like, “Tact is telling someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.” - OH haha. I just looked it up and that’s a Winston Churchill quote. Well then.
I feel I can absolutely be 100% polite AND nice yet not take any shit and assertively advocate for myself. They are not mutually exclusive in my book.
Thank you, Natalie :)
I completely agree. I think it's necessary to get things done (an art, like you said). But I definitely needed to not be afraid to advocate for myself before I could even discern the difference.
That quote is amazeballs, by the way. What a perfect ambition . . . to say "fuck you" with grace 🤣
Hehehe right?! That is how I want to live my life lol.
And yeah, I totally get it... nuances come later, for sure.
I’m just gonna sit with this and meditate on it. And possibly plot some shit…
Tell me when we ride. I'll bring pitchforks.
You will be the first person I call…
We need a roaring emoji or something for posts like this that get me all fired up!!!!
Yessss! An emoji that just starts playing Katy Perry!
🤣🤣🤣🤣
I freaking love this and now know exactly what you meant when you said, “something’s in the air!” This is all so relatable and revolutionary.
I once had a white male older doctor say to me, “Don’t be silly,” when I questioned his recommendation that I use a steroid for treatment and instead wanted something holistic. At the time, this was about six or seven years ago, I didn’t say anything to his face, but I yelled at him silently and then ignored his treatment plan, knowing that he was full of shit and I knew what was better for my body! But oh, that people please training, that good girl training, was still hard to overcome in that moment. It was more familiar to not say anything than to say what I really wanted to say, which was, “wow. you really just said that. That’s really condescending.”
So yay to the dragon emerging and the willingness to say the things that need to be said!!
And here’s a message that I wish all women could hear and know to be true, “You aren’t in danger. You are the danger!” 🐉
Oops on it posting here but loved this thread!!
"You aren’t in danger . . . you are the danger" gave me FULL BODY CHILLS.
And ugh to that doctor! I can't imagine saying "don't be silly" to any client in any situation under any circumstances EVER. How will we ever teach them it's unacceptable and inappropriate unless we speak up next time, right?
I've read your articles several times! It does resonate with this time of my life, like a mirror. From the opening argument (going on about the vet) to the closing (you're unleashed), everything sounds dead right.
BTW, rude vets are a common occurrence in my life! They are so many, that I'll bother to mention the top one: my first love - a jerk who I left early on in our relationship - is a vet, and a terrible one. LOL
So much so, that he had to sell out his business. Karma is a bitch, isn't?
The finesse in which you weave your text is so precise, that I can't help but to point that the type of suppressed anger that you've been through is building up for ages. And the sharpness of your people reading skills is only surpassed by the capability of detecting the microaggressions that only a person of certain mental clarity can do.
Thank you for the great article! I wish the beast that you've unleashed is as powerful as your gut punching style of writing.
Thank you, Claudia, for these kind words! I'm sorry that you've dealt with these indignities yourself (especially in the romance department), but yes, I relish the moments when karma plays out in a glorious retribution like that. May we all draw strength from the others who are on this journey with us, and start unapologetically speaking up and taking up space! Cheers to all of it!
Ugh. The vet's type is all too common, unfortunately. Also, "If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all" was a favorite of my mom's. 🤨 Loved this post!
Thank you! I guess I should consider myself lucky that I've had the experience of such a wonderful vet (who, devastatingly, moved) so now I know what's possible and what I deserve instead of this clown. It just means I'll have to do a little legwork to find that person.
My mom used to say that all the time too. Sigh . . . they mean well.
Ok, I LOVED this story and LOVE that you’ve unleashed your inner dragon. 🐉 I’ve been feeling mine raise her fiery head too.
Sabers are rattling, time to rise.
Yesssss. Imagine what we dragons can do united 💥🐉
I related to this so much!
I recently left a bad Google review on a local cab company after the driver was insanely rude to me. The fact I left that (justified) review still makes me cringe.
I love this diplomatic warrior Queen you have described. I am taking notes!
I love that you're taking notes! And I want nothing more for you than to be able to think of that review and NOT cringe, to simply decide it needed to be said, for your own peace of mind AND for the good of humanity. We can tell ourselves all of that logically, but I want to create a community of people who fully embody the fact that expressing our needs is revolutionary in a world where we were taught to shrink. So glad you're here to fight the good fight!
This is good. I could feel all the flames and the dragon scales moving along my spine. Love this and thank you!
Thank you, Alicia. Dragon acknowledges dragon 😉
🐉🐉 and as the dragon emerges the snake skin sheds this year 🐍
I once had a massage that left me with handprint bruises, but I didn't speak up during because I didn't want to hurt the masseuse's feelings. Ugh. But I also balanced that side of me with my ready-to-rage persona. My evolution has been to integrate the two sides into a healthy middle ground. (I just wrote about being a recovered rage-a-holic for an upcoming piece.) Also, witches and dragons - what's not to love?
Thank you, Leslie. I'm so intrigued by the idea of being at both ends of the spectrum and learning to find the happy medium. I wonder what triggers one response over the other. Is one an overcorrection in an attempt to rein the other one in?
Rage only reared its ugly head if I felt attacked or got defensive. (I also grew up with a rage-y dad.) Otherwise I erred on the side of female politeness.
Okay, I can see that. It's funny because I think it's me too, I just described it differently. The thing I wasn't willing to admit (my shadow, in other words) was the very real rage in me. So I was polite to keep that side stifled. Both of us are always seeking the middle ground, but you were aware of your tendencies and I wasn't. Haha and I think I'm soooooo self aware 🤣
Why does this hit SO CLOSE to where I live??
Because you're my brother from another mother? I'm sure it's quite personal, but perhaps over lunch sometime, we could discuss where that tendency comes from with you. I'm curious about the male perspective.
I mean, I have been told I was raised as oldest sister rather than only brother, so there’s THAT.
And there you go, threatening lunch again…
Haha that tracks. I love me some men in tune with their sacred feminine.